What you are about to read will spoil Sharknado 3 for you. So if you actually care about the plot, I recommend you stop reading now, watch the movie, then resume reading this entry.
This week SyFy Channel gave us their best annual piece of programming with the third installment of Sharknado. The original film (I use the term ‘film’ loosely) released two years ago was a last gasp effort for Tara Reid and Ian Ziering to revive their dormant acting careers and the result has been a cult hit with people who love movies that are so bad they're good. Namely, me.
The title doesn’t mislead, it’s actually about sharks that live in a tornado with Ziering & Reid coming to the rescue by spearing, shooting, lassoing, chain-sawing and yes, even blowing up sharks. At one point in the third installment – and everything about what I’m about to write is true – Reid’s character gets swallowed whole in space (are you still with me?) prompting Ziering to jump in after her to chainsaw out a hole in the shark, where is able to deploy a parachute getting the shark through the atmosphere to land on the ground safely. Meanwhile, Tara Reid gives birth (not kidding) inside of the dead shark and is able to chainsaw her baby and herself to freedom. High level entertainment.
On some levels our offices are like a sharknado: messy, challenging and often downright ridiculous. So if you’re feeling that way, here are three-and-a-half ways you can channel your inner Tara Reid and Ian Ziering around the office:
1. Stay calm when the world around you is in a panic. No matter what happened around Reid, she was a consistent presence. Get swallowed by a shark while giving the world’s fastest birth? No problem. It’s important to keep your wits about when everything going on around you seems like madness.
2. Plan ahead. Ziering and Reid are always prepared with shark killing chainsaws at the ready. If you have a clear game plan at the office, it will instill confidence with your peers as well as within yourself. If you’re the one with the proverbial chainsaw, your co-workers will get behind you.
3. Be aggressive. Usually the people who die in these amazing movies are the ones who are running away. You’ll never see that from Reid or Ziering: They are aggressive and get the important things done to save the world. Be the leader in your work sharknado by being the one who makes sense of it all.
And three-and-a-half: If you lose your hand (like Reid’s character) in an office accident, make sure your prosthetic hand has a chainsaw attachment. Nobody will ever mess with you again.
Hi. I wrote this campy stuff. If you’re into that kind of thing, hit me up on twitter. Let’s be friends!